Entry one: An Artist’s Purpose
Updated: Sep 4
My perspective on the trials and tribulations of a modern day artist
Rudy’s Room
Entry one: An Artist’s Purpose
As an artist I have no choice but to create, if I do not, I fear I will cease to exist. The way in which I watch the waves of the ocean, or how I say hello to my mother; every action I take is through the eyes and expression of a creative. It is how I solve conflict, how I excel in the workplace, how I express my emotions and learn about my true self. Without the brushstrokes to form a painting or the words to construct a poem, I do not think I would have survived my battle with mental health. Art is what saved me, yet also my biggest obstacle in life. For how do I succeed as a painter in a world that already belittles the working class?
Growing up I believed I would someday have to make a choice; live the life of an artist or forget about my dream and live a comfortable life. The trope of the starving artist haunted me, however in our fascist state most of the population is starving already. Whether in a literal sense or in the sense that they are hungry for time with their family, for safety in their community, or for the feeling of being heard. The reality is we are all looking for purpose in the time we are on this earth, and we go through hardships to uncover the answers. I am lucky enough that the answers were always right in front of me, I just had to mute the capitalistic mindset society instilled in me. For years I tried to turn my back on my purpose, researching high salary office jobs that did not represent me at all. Still, no matter the extent I tried to ignore my calling as an artist it followed me like a possessive spirit. I do not claim to be Picasso or Dali, no I am Jacob Rudy, my art is me and I am it. If three eyes see my work or three million it does not matter, for if I die tomorrow I will be happy I spent the last of my days painting.
The choice between food and supplies is an easy one to make, for creating is what truly feeds my soul. Life is not that simple however; humans need food water and shelter. And what about when I want to start and provide for a family? I cannot live this way forever as baby formula and diapers always come before art supplies. I have realized my purpose as an artist and see my potential, yet it seems unattainable and at times unrealistic.
I found imposter syndrome, fear, doubt, and depression fill my mind when I thought about this issue for too long; so then I thought longer. You must break free from these negative shackles of looping anxiety, find the source of your terror, and think deeply how to live a life worth living. We are born into a situation out of our control. We are scarred by others who create trauma and hardship. We live in historical times where those in charge kill our neighbors, bomb the innocent across the world, and slowly take the rights away from common people to serve the rich. The sad truth is our government has forced us into an economic box, but we must make the best out of it. Although we may have to make compromises, there is always a way to merge your dreams with reality.
Currently I am on the search for that path which will allow me to be creative and make a living suitable to take care of those I love. An office job is something I rebuked in my adolescence, now it is my goal. Becoming an art director in the world of marketing and advertisement is my new mission. A position where I can lead, support others, make money, and be in a creative environment. The path to this long term goal may take over a decade, but it seems like the answer to my long standing question: “What do I do with my life?” And if it is not a solution that makes me happy, I will move on to the next thing. There is no timeline nor perfect answer, this life is what you make of it so try your best and reach for the stars.
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